tora Trivia (03-24-2010)

i figured for this go around, i’d share some random tidbits of useless information about me. This is your cue to click the red x in the right upper corner of your screen if i bore you. 🙂

  • i am cross-hand dominant. No, this does not mean i am more likely to beat you with my left hand than my right. It means that i am right handed and my left eye is my dominant eye. This causes problems when doing hand-eye intensive activities such as firing weapons, beading and throwing the ball. It’s something you can teach yourself out of, i normally just work around it.
  • i love to eat most kinds of sushi (nigiri and edo style) but i cannot stand to eat cooked fish.
  • i like dogs. As long as they belong to someone else.
  • i am an ex-cutter, and unlike most ex-cutters into BDSM, i hate the idea of scarification and any activities involving cutting or scratching me.
  • i used to speak German.
  • i conquered my years-long battle with Major Chronic Depression without resigning myself to use of long-term drugs.
  • i have 8 siblings, 2 full-blooded and 6 half-blooded, but i am only in touch with the two full-blooded siblings.
  • i have a fear of horses, but i am learning to ride.
  • i love bagpipes. Music centered around bagpipes makes me shiver and melt.
  • Arrogant Dominant people make me smirk and want to push their buttons to see how long before they explode. Confident quiet Dominants make me a little wobbly in the knees and more eager to please.
  • i have written 1/4 of a novel, but i am not sure i will ever finish it.
  • i am not particularly crushed by disappointing my Owner. If beaten over the head with the concept, i am more likely to care less about the disappointment and more about wanting to beat the hell out of whoever is lecturing me about it.
  • i was a druggy geek in middle and high school. i spent most of my senior year drunk or recovering from being drunk. i still graduated with honors.
  • Even in a committed O/p relationship, i am afraid of being released for lack of beauty or usefulness.
  • Being forced near a spider will make me cry.

There. Don’t you wish you had closed the screen when i warned you earlier?

If you want to know anything more about me, i’ll answer. Just ask! The only thing off limits are specific questions about the rugrats (what are their names, what do they look like) and questions meant to “out” me or the family. Other than that, anything goes!

What is a “community”? Or “How we are socially inept” (10-04-2010)

On FetLife, I often hear that we, as kinksters, are automatically entered into a community. As such, I am supposed to hold up and adhere to these random vague “ideals” to properly represent this community. Failure for D/O/M-types to connect and mingle in the local scene is often used as a red flag. Failure for the s-type is often used as a sign of either snobbishness or flakiness.

Sounds great, but N and I have never been the type of people to congregate and socially mingle. We both have a small group of friends that mostly intersects. We rely on each other for social fulfillment. It’s been that way for most of our relationship. Because of the intimate, inter-connected nature of our relationship, it really makes for little that needs to be met in other people.

It is because of my lack of social conditioning (and His) that we feel no need to mingle with other kinksters. Yes, we identify within a “kink” relationship, but it doesn’t define us…we define it. It doesn’t occur to me to feel more connected to a group of strangers just because they also like to tie each other up and whack each other. Nor do I feel a kinship with other slaves simply based off of the fact that they are on the short side of the slash.

This disinterest in socializing with others is often interpreted as being fake, ashamed, imperious, or “hiding something”.

Instead of asking about it, or even giving us the benefit of the doubt, it often assumed that we think we are too good for the local communities, or that we are fake and He’s really just a 48-year old in His mom’s basement, posting this in-between SecondLife sessions and picking at His ass-acne.

Or maybe, just maybe, we don’t make friends easily, don’t have a whole lot of time to go out and drink with people we don’t know, and we are, by nature, introverts who find social functions to be strange situations we are often unfamiliar in.

That, and we haven’t really identified a need in either of us to connect with others beyond the occasional e-mail.

The community is not the be-all end-all of kinkdom. It is useless as a barometer of a person’s kink credentials. And by adamantly pushing for everyone to link arms with their kink brothers and sisters, many people are going to retreat back into their homes and familiar social circles. We aren’t in the closet, but we ain’t dancing in the streets, either. 🙂

Signed, a socially inept introvert who’s happy not being a part of the kink community. 🙂