I’m Fat, I’m Property, and I Can Say I Still Deserve to be Loved

Recently, both piece and Biddable have written blog entries that trashed this concept we’ve seen spouted off by various “masters”: that slaves that are fat (overweight, fluffy, padded, curvy, big, solid) are not only disrespectful of their owners just by existing as such, but they are also dangerous to their children, to communities, they disrespect themselves, and they are horrible people to be around. Hell, I am surprised the various masters didn’t claim that fat slaves are ruining America, damn that apple pie.

At first, I was pissed. How dare some random stranger imply my Owner is lying when He says He loves me and supports me, and is not ashamed of my body. How dare someone tell me I am a danger to the community, that my extra weight is just as bad as tuberculosis. How dare some stranger dictate what the rest of us can find attractive, comfortable, acceptable?

Then the rage faded. What do I care? I’m fat. I got here a few different ways, some my fault, some not. It doesn’t really matter anymore, and I certainly don’t need to justify my efforts to some blowhard with his dick in his hand as he types his mighty words. My Owner, and my Owner alone, will tell me when my efforts are acceptable, and when I am lacking and need to step up.

But the implication that I am an unfit parent because of my weight, that was unacceptable, and down right disgusting. It was when I read that little blurb of this asshole’s rant that I knew he had to be a fairly vile dickhead of the lowest sort. My children are not fat. Hell, they’re underweight, just like their father, and just like I was until I graduated. They don’t get cookies and ice cream every night, they like their veggies and fruits, they don’t get soda and they rarely stop moving. They are Grade-A healthy children, with a good appreciation of health, nutrition and wise choices for food and drink. I am fully aware that my eating habits can rub off onto my kids, which is why they eat fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grain bread and whole milk, unlike their string-bean father, who eats a 3200 calorie diet from mostly high-calorie snacks and pop.

So, sure, attack me because of my weight. Lords know I exist only to please some megalomaniac losing his mind because some slave has the temerity to love herself, and accept love from her Owner despite her weight. Tell me how I’m ruining society by not losing the weight fast enough. Call me a disease vector and whine that my obese figure doesn’t get your dick hard. Attack my Owner because of something that has very little to do with our dynamic. Whatever you gotta do to make the voices in your head shut up.

But don’t you EVER fucking dare suggest I am an unfit parent based on my nude photo. BMI has very little to do with reality or my parenting skills. Anyone who thinks otherwise can take a flying fuck off a short pier, wearing cement shoes to boot. (ha! to boot! I kill.)((I kill! Ha! I slay me! …)) Until you have spent time in this house, observing, interacting, discussing, you get zero say on my parenting.

It’s a sad man that attacks a woman for being fat via her children. It’s a character trait far worse than gluttony or sloth. It is also way more ugly than extra poundage.

In short, fuck you.

 

 

 

Family, kink, and O/p

A local brouhaha has suggested itself as the topic for today’s post. There are a few things I need to establish first to encourage the dialogue, so here we go:

  • In this house, kink and “lifestyle” are not synonymous. We will continue to be O/p, to live the lifestyle as some put it, even if the kink isn’t present. Our relationship, our style of relating with each other, the themes of power and control transfer exist independently of the whips and chains. In short: “lifestyle” or O/p ≠ kink.
  •  I do not believe that people who have children they do not speak to, interact with or have not seen in years of their own choosing can wear the parent hat. Contributing chromosomes to offspring does not a parent make.

With that out of the way, let us move on to the topic for today:

Regional family events of kinky groups

I will start be saying that N and I have already decided that we will not attend anything like this. We don’t have to justify our decision, but I will explain why we got to it, so others can understand where we are coming from and consider their own reasoning.

  •  If we wanted our kids to have more kids to play with, we’d join a parenting group or get involved with local parents. If we wanted to build vanilla family friendships we’d switch to Facebook alone. I came to FetLife to explore, expand and discuss my kinks, and my relationship style, not my children. In fact, I don’t like discussing my children on FL, beyond the theoretical of raising children while being a part of an O/p dynamic and saying whether we can or cannot attend an event because of childcare. My children have very little to do with what I come to FetLife to experience.
  • It is our choice to develop deeper friendships off list, and do so, we are close friends with a M/s couple nearby with five children. Changing the local group focus to fostering those relationships above any other goal of the group is kinda weird. Just because a group of people is kinky doesn’t mean they will want to be friends beyond the kink.
  • Being a fellow kinkster doesn’t mean we want to hang out with another family just because they are kinky. The kids might not interact well with mine, or vice versa. They might not have anything in common. We might not have anything in common with the parents. Kink is not enough to sustain a friendship.
  •  Some people can’t be trusted to behave the way we would like around our kids, hence the selective exposure. I have seen inappropriate conduct in public family restaurants. I have seen inappropriate dressing in family restaurants. We try to raise our children to understand how they are to behave in public, in private, how to respect themselves and others. We won’t undermine our own efforts just to hang out with other kinky parents.
  • Group events are where we get away from the kids and have time to relax with similar adults. Our children have nothing to do with our kink. Our kink and our lifestyle are not necessarily one and the same, y’know? O/p goes on with or without the paddling. We can be “of the lifestyle” and still choose not to mingle our children with other kinksters, because the kink is just a fun expression of us.
  • Our local groups are not vetted. We do not know more than 15 people in it, at least well enough to feel comfortable with them being around our children. Would someone arrange for a group meeting of a bunch of parents off of Craigslist? Without a way to assess who would be attending prior to the meeting, there isn’t a way to increase the safety of the children and the participants. Icky Pedo-people exist at any level or group of people, which is why parents are selective.
  • The last reason is a huge reason: We don’t want our children used as a possible way to attack us, to hurt us, if someone in the group gets all pissy and decides they want revenge.

Groups can’t force the kind of trust and connection that needs to exist for parents to feel at ease with letting their children meet other families. And to judge, to argue, to insist that there is something wrong with parent for not immediately feeling rah-rah about the situation just reinforces the reluctance of parents to engage with the group on that level.

 

 

Blending In

Intriguing mentioned in her previous post that had she not known about our O/p relationship she wouldn’t have known we live in one. At first I was a bit nonplussed…’I look vanilla?! What the hell?’

After thinking about it, damned straight we do. We look like the average old-fashioned couple. I dote on Him and the kids, take care of the house (heh, well maybe not the best at that last one, lol) and He provides for us, protects us, and makes the final decisions.

Honestly that’s the main goal. We have kids and they don’t need to be involved in how we live. There isn’t any overt dominance in our interactions. When He wants something, He asks for it, but I know better than to not do it. I don’t need Him constantly lording over me to know what He wants and how He wants it.

Kink is something fairly independent from the relationship status. I stay His slave even when we haven’t gotten our beat on in awhile. “Play time” happens on those rare times when all 3 are gone for a night. We don’t feel comfortable any other way.

There isn’t much to hide from the rugrats because we naturally run under the radar anyhow! It’s N’s innate nature to be unobtrusive and to blend in. He says you get away with so much more that way, and I would have to agree, look at how he tricked me into believing He was normal. 🙂