Saturday’s Munch

It was a huge success.

Because of the current restaurant situation in Grand Forks, I moved the meeting over to Phoenix Wok and Grill. Over the phone the week before it seemed like this would be an excellent home for LAKE; they had a private area, no order minimum and no holding fee for the room. When they called for confirmation the day before, they mentioned that the private room had a pool table and ping pong table, so we wouldn’t fit in there with fifteen people attending. So they moved us right outside of it, assuring me it would be out of the way and fairly secluded.


But, like the hardy Northern Plains people we are, we adapted. 😀

Twenty-two people attended. It was amazing. So many new people, so many established members, lots of smiles and hugs, good food and good talk, laughter and bonds being built. Most of the members respected the dress code, no one was shouting inappropriate things, and the restaurant was happy to have us there.

Afterwards, a few of us gravitated to MsRose’s house for a bs session. We did a sensation play/demo for Dissy, who isn’t getting much in the way of a good beating seeins how she’s a month away from dropping Bubba RayRay. 😉 They did some hot spa wax and a lotion rub-down. I enjoyed rubbing her down with the shower glove…what a wonderful idea, Ms Rose! A round of birthday spankings swept the apartment, because apparently North Dakotans love nothing more than screwing for the Fourth of July. Dpseachelle had a birthday, N had a birthday, I had a birthday, and Hoagie had a birthday. Somehow, I ended up taking N’s birthday spankings. 😐 How that works, I dunno, I’m not an O-type and don’t possess that kind of logic.

Dpseachelle got nailed by Ray. Each couple had thirty-three spankings they could split between themselves, and I have to say I gave her a few good ones and then was nice to make up for the massive beating at the hand of Ray. Her ass was definitely purple.

Next was my turn, and I was definitely nervous to be baring my ass to Ray after what I saw chelle go through. And, AND, I wasn’t getting twenty-nine split between each couple. Oh no. I got 29 from each person in that room. And it fucking hurt! Especially Ray, and Hoagie.  N did His usual Bastard routine and nailed the top of my ass over and over again, Ray favored the sweet soft spot between my asscheek and thigh, and Hoagie seemed to aim for previous welts. I buried my face in the ottoman, gripping Dissy’s  hands tightly with each hit. She reminded me to breathe when a hit sent me outta my head. Chelle reciprocated to my earlier gentle approach and was kind to my ass. 🙂 Ms Rose was kind and did my cool-down. Her fuzzy paddle was wonderful, and the tack-side was a very interesting counterpoint to the slapping I’d just taken.

I think after me it was Dissy, or was it Bliss? The time right afterwards was a bit blurry, I was a bit dizzy and woo-woo-y  for a while. I remember holding Dissy’s hands while Ray went to town on her, and she, like me, blubbered and snotted, and I reminded her to breathe and let her break my fingers. Hey, what are friends for, right?

I am guessing that it was the first time Bliss had done something like this (it was mine too) so they were a bit easier on her. 🙂 Her ass was a pretty pink when they got done with her.

We sat and bullshitted for a while still, then wandered out. N and I grabbed a quick snack at Denny’s before heading home.

My ass wasn’t very sore that night, but in the few days between then and now, it’s been a bit tender and I’ve been more protective of it. Which is, of course, just more encouragement to N to poke, prodded and molest me.

And just for all you pervs out of there who believe that a picture is worth a thousand words…I will add my picture as soon as my computer stops crashing during the uploading process. *nods*

My Ass For All to See.

Poly As I Know It

So I had a long post written about the intricacies of poly as N and I want, and just deleted it all for this more concise point:

If three or more people agree to live if in an arrangement they all consent to, what business is it of anyone else to question, disparage or mock?

Whatzit Tooya?

In a thread I was on FL, we had this exact thing going on. Some troll feels that because the poly community (according to him) is 90% mentally damaged people, poly is basically a man having his cake and eating someone else’s too. He’s claimed that the men who say their s-types are required to stay monogamous to them are dickless wonders, unable to keep it in their pants nor tolerate the possible slight to their ego if their partner wanted another man.

And the women in this scenario are damaged broads with an inability to say no, who would do anything including feigning bisexuality and asking for emotional masochism to keep their “man”.

I don’t dispute that scenario. What I do dispute is that this behavior is relegated to the kink community. I’ve seen numerous vanilla couples doing the same, and I don’t my new troll-friend calling out the vanilla community for not recognizing how stupid they are.

Hasn't he ever watched an episode of "I fell in love with your sister!" ?

He also wouldn’t accept that there are women who can commit to being monogamous to a poly partner while being mentally stable and happy. These people don’t exist in his world, I guess.

Triangle relationships like the one N and I desire don’t fit into the troll’s equation, so he writes them off as minimal and conveniently bypasses them.

Unless we start requiring competency tests to allow people to engage in any kink, I think it is disingenuous to claim that poly shouldn’t be practiced because only mentally damaged people are doing it to fill a blighted hole in their pysche. If we start claiming that, we might as well bar people from doing S&M of any sort, because lots of people do so for less than stellar mental health reasons. Also, let’s get rid of religion, because many people use it to fill their voids and twist it to fuel and justify their irrational behavior. Fuck, get rid of politics too.

Poster child for mental illness being an allowable platform to run from.

Or we can just accept that people have a right to consent to whatever they want (barring a certifiable grave mental illness) and your objection that everyone in said group of consenting adults doesn’t have the right to do said actions because they aren’t doing it for the right reasons amounts to as much as piss in the wind.

Why is it that the smug monogamous people are the ones that ended up killing most poly threads, anyhow?

On the Outside, Looking In

I have spent most of today trying to figure out a *nice* way to write about what I’m thinking about. No matter the mental gymnastics I do, I can’t figure out a way to talk about it that isn’t direct and open. So be it.

If I could figure out how to get past this glass door...

To begin, I’d like to discuss something about myself. I’m a very loving person, I try very hard to be likable, and I usually have no ill will towards people until they have done something very bad to me and/or my family. (The usage of the word “family” also includes those very close friends that are like siblings to us.) My biggest problem is that I don’t know how to sugar-coat things. I don’t try to hurt people when I am pointing things out, I just don’t know how to do the subtle delicate dance required for most relationships nowadays. It’s why most of my friendships with women fall to the side…I don’t know how to navigate the intricacies of supporting a person without calling them on their shit.  My lack of social fluidity often leads to people believing that I am being a bitch, attacking someone, or am a generally unfriendly person, because I don’t whitewash for nicety’s sake.

This inability of mine has come to a head in my local scene. On our group in FetLife, a thread came up suggesting that using a contract could result in much less heartache and hassle if something went horribly wrong and there were charges pressed.  Now, I believe that contracts are useful in getting to know someone’s preferences and desires, to judge them on certain things, but they hold little to no goddamned weight in a court of law. Because of their inability to be enforced, I generally believe that newcomers to BDSM should not be advised on how wonderful contracts are, how protective they are. Instead, I believe that common sense, awareness and time should be used to find partners least likely to call you in the next day. It’s a false sense of security, in my mind.

When I sought to bring this up, the reaction was less than pleasant. The original poster had mentioned they were charged; whether this contract really helped get them off the hook  was unclear…but the inquisitive part of my mind is going “How?!” If a person can’t consent to being abused nor kidnapped, how could the contract work to negate the charge? Yes, it could possibly be used to frame the plaintiff as “someone who asked for it” but does that really legally exonerate the defendant? Who is to say that the defendant didn’t go 2,000 times beyond what was asked for in this contract?

So me being socially retarded me, I make my case against the widespread canonization of contracts. I say the things I am thinking in the most logical way I know, trying to not step on people’s feet while maintaining my core message. Instead, the original poster mentions “being attacked” and swears up and down that the contract saved them, therefore it is priceless as a defense.

Having talked to a lawyer friend in Michigan, I myself would be terrified to have a contract like the one the original poster suggested. The lawyer friend mentioned that the contract itself, signed, indicates an actual confession of deeds done, (when signed both before and after session).

I get the impression from the posts on the thread that my heretical idea that contracts aren’t really worth the ink they are printed with was not cool. I started feeling a little resentful and baffled. Why is crowing about the legal benefits of contracts okay, but arguing for common sense and judgment not? What was I saying wrong? Am I to stifle myself every time I have an opinion that isn’t the group’s consensus?

This is where I suck at social aspects. I can’t just accept being drowned out when I believe that logic is not prevailing. I can’t understand why people would go for the extreme and exciting when the common-sense and practical works just as well. Add in a dash of confusion over how I perceive someone and the way everyone else perceives them, throw in a shake or two of social anxiety et voila! You have someone suddenly less sure about belonging to a community.

I should have watched House instead...

I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, nor be the nit-picking thorn in the side. I also don’t want to ignore facts and logic just to fit in. When given those two options, I really just prefer to hide and wait for the world to end in 2012.

Camaraderie and “Ow Fuck!”

First things first, I’d like to give a kudos to the gracious and awesome hosts of the munch last night: Thank you so much, DrHoagie and Hoagie’s nadira, for creating a space for such a wonderful time. You guys rock!

Last night N and I attended the local munch and had an unexpected blast. I mean, we expected to have a good time and get to know people better, but we hadn’t anticipated it being that much fun. So much talking, laughing, owie things, playing with cats and teasing the SAMs, I’m just smiling thinking of it again. The food was wonderful, the camaraderie was comforting, the modeling was gorgeous and the sincerity warm.

I sat by N’s feet in the living room for most of the evening, after the food had been served. Someone who must not like me very much had given Him a crop with a heavy metal-capped handle, so He randomly whapped me wherever it was convenient. Soles of feet, toes, inner thighs, tits, upper arms…with both the stingy crop end and the heavy handle. Whap, whap, thud, CRACK! Another woman who is quite the entertaining SAM (SmartAssed Masochist) was on the floor next to me, trying to avoid her good friend who was armed with a lexane paddle. At one point, trying to be all smooth like, I gave the mistress the crop, but that just inspired N to get out this studded leather strap and beat me with that instead. The SAM said it leaves nice marks, and damn was she right…through my fucking jeans, with N only going maybe half force, I’ve got little stud-shaped bruises on my thigh.

Through my jeans. He is *so* not getting that strap for His birthday.

At one point there were three D/O types in the living room with pain instruments in their grasp and two s-types that needed to get through the gauntlet to the kitchen. She tried to throw me under the bus, but as I have extensive experience with being thrown under the bus by kaya, I managed to skip out on most of the serious pain. The one thing I did stupidly was put my hand across my ass trying to block a shot from a 1/2″ thick quartz paddle. Ow, fuck! I caught the edge of the paddle across my thumb joint and it instantly puffed up and stopped doing the things joints do. Today the swelling is down but the mobility is still a bit reduced. Lesson learned: when someone is coming after you with a paddle made out of fucking rock, your hand will not save you. Any unintended pain received is most likely your fault. 🙂  I loved it. Hopefully next time I have an encounter with that Master and his quartz paddle my hands will stay in their proper places.

After a few people wandered back home the little group left sat until past midnight bullshitting. The topics ranged from atheism to circular arguments common in BDSM to off-color jokes and wedding cakes. I haven’t had a good laugh in ages like I did last night. To a person (or a couple, really) used to being self-reliant loners based on our personal makeup as well as our chosen relationship dynamic, being able to have a group that we can really be ourselves and not feel so ostracized means a lot to us both.

I think I could come to like being a bit more social again. 😀

Awrite, I’m sorry! (12/07/2010)

I’m sorry, sorry, sorry. I neglected my duties as a blogger and spent the whole past month fucking off for the sheer fun of it.

Or not, I distinctly remember many times in the past month I would not consider sheer fun by any means.

Anyways, I’m here. Really!

N and I made our first munch appearance. We enjoyed the group that has formed in our little (and I mean little) community. It’s a mix of D/s, M/s, new and old, those more into the S/M and those who are more into the mind-control/service. It’s a nice blend of people that I could eventually feel comfortable in.

Again with the not having quite enough of a niche, though. At least for me, the perpetual loner. Because of our strange version of O/p (service orientated, obedience required, kink as an afterthought, control as a medium value) we often don’t quite mesh with many of the other folks identifying as M/s online. In person it isn’t so bad, I think, because they can just accept us as we are. Online, though, they either think He isn’t proficient enough with [insert instrument of pain here] to be worth anything, or they mistakenly believe that because He doesn’t have 200 protocols and rules that He isn’t in control or cares to be. So it becomes a bit of a game between us to watch the others try and pin us down.

“Well, she walks behind Him, so she must be the s type…”
“Yeah, but she orders her own meal!”
“Iknorite? But she asks if she may use the bathroom when in public…”
“But without any titles or honorifics! That’s not any D/M/s I’ve seen…”
“They don’t do kink religiously, punishments or the 400 slave positions as defined by LordHighTopAss. Really, who doesn’t do those?!”

That is why I am hoping that a person-to-person setting will lead to being more comfortable in my own skin while discussing how things are as He wills it.

Oh. And with His help, I dyed my hair red. 🙂

What is a “community”? Or “How we are socially inept” (10-04-2010)

On FetLife, I often hear that we, as kinksters, are automatically entered into a community. As such, I am supposed to hold up and adhere to these random vague “ideals” to properly represent this community. Failure for D/O/M-types to connect and mingle in the local scene is often used as a red flag. Failure for the s-type is often used as a sign of either snobbishness or flakiness.

Sounds great, but N and I have never been the type of people to congregate and socially mingle. We both have a small group of friends that mostly intersects. We rely on each other for social fulfillment. It’s been that way for most of our relationship. Because of the intimate, inter-connected nature of our relationship, it really makes for little that needs to be met in other people.

It is because of my lack of social conditioning (and His) that we feel no need to mingle with other kinksters. Yes, we identify within a “kink” relationship, but it doesn’t define us…we define it. It doesn’t occur to me to feel more connected to a group of strangers just because they also like to tie each other up and whack each other. Nor do I feel a kinship with other slaves simply based off of the fact that they are on the short side of the slash.

This disinterest in socializing with others is often interpreted as being fake, ashamed, imperious, or “hiding something”.

Instead of asking about it, or even giving us the benefit of the doubt, it often assumed that we think we are too good for the local communities, or that we are fake and He’s really just a 48-year old in His mom’s basement, posting this in-between SecondLife sessions and picking at His ass-acne.

Or maybe, just maybe, we don’t make friends easily, don’t have a whole lot of time to go out and drink with people we don’t know, and we are, by nature, introverts who find social functions to be strange situations we are often unfamiliar in.

That, and we haven’t really identified a need in either of us to connect with others beyond the occasional e-mail.

The community is not the be-all end-all of kinkdom. It is useless as a barometer of a person’s kink credentials. And by adamantly pushing for everyone to link arms with their kink brothers and sisters, many people are going to retreat back into their homes and familiar social circles. We aren’t in the closet, but we ain’t dancing in the streets, either. 🙂

Signed, a socially inept introvert who’s happy not being a part of the kink community. 🙂