Change is Hard, but Doable

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Reorganizing the mind takes a lot out of a person.

Most of the people who know me well would describe me as a highly cynical, somewhat negative person. I’m horribly pessimistic, and if the route is visible I will jump directly to the catastrophic possibilities of a situation. I am not particularly pleased with these traits. I don’t want to grow to be a bitter old woman, too set in her own deep groove to see any other possibilities. They’ve proven that pessimism and low-grade depression are detrimental to a person’s health. I don’t want to teach my children how to only see the horrible things out of everything.

Β With that in mind, I’ve been actively working on seeing the best of people, of situations, of myself. Each time I immediately jump to a negative thought, I make myself counter it with a positive thought. Instead of berating myself for not fitting into a certain size yet, I tell myself that I have made progress and that I need patience with myself. When I read something that makes me want to toss the author into the rubbish pile, I make myself smile and think they must have a good reason to think that way, and that maybe one day a dialogue will open so we can share our thoughts and experiences. When I see that Santorum is still in the race, I shrug and say “America needs *something* to laugh at”.

When all else fails, I cut the baggage and enjoy the sudden feeling of lightness. I’m instituting a no-drama policy, and I’m making sure that my definition of drama matches N. I’ve been known to get quite general in my kicking everyone out routine, so He’s my QA.

I am sure some of you saw that I did some housecleaning on FL. It was desperately needed, and a bonus is that I won’t be spending as much time on it now. The bitchitude content of the FL koolaid is high right now, and I have found myself sipping way more of it than needed. So, I’m on a FL diet.

The friends I chose to stay talk to me and are positive people. They are people I can relate to, people who listen, understand, and call me out on my shit. They are the closest I get to friends.

I’m trying to embody the “Positive People do Positive Things” theory. This has an interesting side-effect on my slavery to N: I find myself rephrasing many statements to be more pleasing and gentle, while still remaining truthful. He hasn’t asked me to do this, but I know He is a generally positive, upbeat person, and I hate to think that my learned negativity would affect Him in a harsh and depressing manner. I know being around a pessimist is a tiring and depressing existence, and I don’t want to be that to N. I want to be His ball of happiness, His sunshine, His peace away from the world.Image

Must be me, hitting my mid-life crisis a little earlier than usual.

Happy note: We’re getting chickens this spring!! πŸ˜€

6 thoughts on “Change is Hard, but Doable

  1. i am working on the same thing. i don’t know when i turned bitter or angry either – i just kind of realized that i’m not the way that i was a few years ago. Now, i’ve been going through a personality makeover myself.

    It’s not the easiest thing.

    The fact that you seen the need for change and are taking steps to change say a lot though. Keep up the good work hun.

    • Thank you, MZ’s girl. Sounds like you and I are on the same path for very similar reasons. I hope it rises to meet you. πŸ™‚

      It’s been hard, but I’ve heard that anything worth achieving isn’t easy to do.

  2. Yay you what an incredibly brave thing to do. Change and growing pains are so awesome but still kinda hurt. i wish you so much joy as you navigate this path. Also yay for chickens!

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