Quick Observation

In my recent wanderings of the hollowed halls of FetLife, I got to thinking. Right now, wherever N is reading this, He’s wincing.

I tend to fall in and out of favor with FL. I never could figure out if it was me getting tired of the incessant bitching and crowing, or if FL had some kind of lunar schedule that invited the crazies and cunts to froth at the keyboard. After seeing another swing disfavoring FL, I believe I might have sorted it out.

I get tired of all the navel-gazing. All the whys, hows, whos, nitpicking the relationship structure over and over. The same people whining that they’re so hard done by, no one understands how freakin’ special their needs in a relationship are because mommy fucked daddy on the kitchen table one time and it ruined their life forever. People on FL are in such a hurry to appear complicated, dark, brooding, it’s like a fuckin race to the bottom, I’m more mentally scarred than you, therefore my needs are more complex and interesting than yours.

Fuck it.

I’m fairly simple as far as relationship needs go. Don’t lie too much, don’t fuck around and not help me through it, don’t severely injure my body or brain, and be truthful to myself and yourself. Lead, and I will try to follow as best I can.

I don’t need to explore in nosebleeding depth how, as a young child, watching my mom get the snot beat out of her by my stepfather affects my choices today. I don’t need to extrapolate that I’m superspecialclingyneedy because I have abandonment issues.

I’m average. I like getting roughed up, I like to love N, I like to serve Him, but sometimes I wanna serve me. I don’t do it because I’m dark and mysterious, or a tender damaged flower, I do it because this is basic me and that is basic N.

I don’t need some superhorriblecomplex reason to kneel and serve. I guess I’m superficial and bland, but all this psychotherapy group time on FL makes me want to go take a walk in vanilla world for a while.

I stopped acting cool and deep and dark around the time I graduated high school, ’cause I don’t have the time nor the patience to be uber-angsty and hip. I’m too busy living.

7 thoughts on “Quick Observation

  1. Oh my goodness i agree, although i don’t think it’s just fet. i think Americans in general like to make excuses instead of living. It’s easier to blame mommy & daddy than it is to admit that we’re lazy or whatever.

    i’ll take action over blame or swimming in my past, thank you very much.

    • I spent enough years wallowing in my own self-confusion and delusion to want to continue that shit. It’s so much nicer in the sunshine than hiding in the dark. I think you are unfortunately right about it becoming an epidemic.

  2. YEP.
    Thanks for posting this. I’ve started feeling the same way. Ever since I quit the cliquey introspection club, I’ve been having a lot of fun NOT analyzing the shit out of my relationship. Sometimes it’s fun because talking about myself is fun, but most of the time, I’d rather just use the internet to goof off. The incessant navel gazing gives me a headache, and I’ve realized that I don’t need to dissect every detail of our relationship for it to work. It’s pretty simple: He’s the boss, I’m not, and he has a giant repertoire of evil tools to get me back in line with his plan if I stray from his chosen path. That’s it. It’s not complicated and it works. There, I’m done analyzing our relationship for the day. WOOOOOOOO FREEDOM!

  3. Did someone say free hooha? lol tell it like it is girl. I’ve been saying for years fuck the disecting and just do what I say and everything will be perfect. Every relationship and every person is different and I really don’t give a fuck what someone elses deep dark past means to them just figure out what works and deal with it!! Don’t cry and moan and whine because your needs are different then mine because unless your a fucking idiot we all know that! What we don’t need to know is why. I personally also come online mainly for entertainment and a break if I want phsycodrama I can always tune into Dr.Phil or better yet jerry springer lol

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