The Post That Almost Wasn’t

So I have opened my WP dashboard about a million times, meaning to write a post relevant to my life and yours, but my eyes would just glaze over and my mind would shut down each time. I kept feeling angsty and petulant about writing here, about anything…and yet guilty, because I had a few people asking if everything was okay in my neck of the woods, my absence appearing as though I fell off the face of the world.

So. Here it is. Here is my resurrection post. Behold, the mighty pen!

I care so much I didn't even put my name on my homework.

reepreep.  reepreep.

I don’t know what to tell y’all. N has hit His doldrums, and I’m in the holding pattern, trying to wait Him out without the whole omg the sky is falling in Armageddon is just around the corner reaction His moments of wavering tend to inspire in me. I’m biting my tongue, smiling sweetly and staying far far away from lethal objects.

I have an appointment with the local po’ folks clinic to see about getting me on some birth control to temper the hormonal mood swings that have made life especially interesting for us lately. Considering their past as an inadvertent fertility enhancer for us, I have less trepidation about taking them now that He is snipped.

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Have I mentioned that the idea of college being only two months away scares me shitless? I am all sorts of terrified that I will fail miserably, break down part way through, discover I am not nearly as smart as I thought I was and will never get the GPA I need to be accepted to the nursing program. Yeah yeah I know, if N thinks I can do it then I shouldn’t second guess Him, but fuck off. That’s panacea, pablum, empty sounds with no meaning to me. *I* have to think that about myself, or I’ll self-sabotage to prove myself right.

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Piece wrote in her recent blog post that she finds it a relief to be able to retreat to her blog and talk about the things she can’t touch as a mod on FL. I envy her of the ability to have her blog as a sanctuary of sorts. I am not able to be as open and frank here, because so many people who read this blog I have to meet face to face at least once a month, and they would get their noses out of joint at some of the things I think and say. So, what you read here is the mildly muzzled version of tora, please kep that in mind. I am not nearly as gracious and well mannered in my own head. 😀

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I think that sums it up for now. Now that I’ve broken the lock on the writer’s cabinet I might be able to fall back into the habit of writing regularly. It kind of takes away from the pleasure of blogging when it starts to feel like a dreaded chore. But, then, that’s kinda the way it is about everything, isn’t it?

2 thoughts on “The Post That Almost Wasn’t

  1. Sanctuary is a bit of a misnomer as you never know when some person is going to try to use it as ammunition… it is more that one has the attitude of you enter at your own risk. Don’t like it and want to use it in a public place… well you are obviously asking for it 😀

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