Spare the rod, Spoil the slave?

I have seen it often postulated here and there (read: FetLife) that a D/O/M that cherishes, protects and nurtures his slave is often too lax, too weak, not a real D/O/M. That if the D/O/M takes the time to reassure the slave how precious she is, that she is more than just another possession like the car, he will spoil her, make her soft and petulant, he will create his own pillow princess.

I used to think that too. It’s the cool thing, I guess, in many of the groups I haunt. Real mastery is being an Asshole all the time, brusquely crushing off the tears, fears and shame he creates, scoffing at the concept of love and adoration, maintaining a cold aloof presence, being a god merely tolerating the human foibles of the slave.

Whatta crocka shit. Fer Realz.

Given the last tectonic shift in the relationship between N and I, He’s been more open with how much I mean to Him. He’s caressed my hair unexpectedly, planted soft kisses on my forehead, crushed me to His chest and told me in a rumbly voice that I mean more than anything to Him. At first I was taken aback, and truthfully, I distrusted it. I thought it was a ploy to lull me back to apathy. The ol’ “Tell her she’s the best and she’ll finally stfu” that my ex always pulled.

Nope. Turns out, He means it.

And I soaked that shit up like the desert after a hard downpour. My heart blossomed like the agave after the rain. I knew going in that He wasn’t the kind of man to be sending flowers every month and declaring undying love every night. And while I don’t exact exhibit lovey-dovey behavior myself, I didn’t realize just how much I missed the occasional sweet touch/word/thought mixed amongst the pinches, names and actions.

I forgot what it was like to hear someone tell me how much they needed and loved me.

I’m a greedy bitch. I blame the Taurus in me, it makes me prone to gluttony and over-indulgence. So as long as He is willing to be a font of love and devotion, I’ll shower in it. I will dance in it, delight in it, and save it away for dry times again.

Anyway, to the premise of the post: Many D/O/Ms on FetLife would be falling over themselves to caution N that He’s spoiling me, that a slave should never know that her D/O/M needs her, loves her, cherishes her. They say it would ruin their mystique, lower themselves in her eyes, make them vulnerable to the slave. She’d never fear them anymore.

I find it a bit hard to swallow. I know full well N loves me deeply, cares for me passionately. This doesn’t make me adore Him less, fear Him less, it doesn’t devalue Him in my mind.

It actually make me strive harder to be found pleasing, to serve Him, to be at the top of my game. I have to be found worthy of such an Owner, to deserve the honor of serving and being owned by Him. Anything else would not be good enough for such a Man who found the time and bother to own me!

I think it is easier for me to being completely devoted to Him, to adore Him, to worship Him, if I know that He loves me and cares for me, appreciates the struggles and pain I go through to make myself what He wants from me.

It’s a blancing act, and I think we have found it. Good example:

Last night N wrapped me in some tight rope bondage and facedfucked me in various restricted positions before propping me up on my knees and directing me by my ponytail. I gagged, I drooled, I cried, I slumped and stiffened and panted. At one point He pulled my mouth off of His cock and I heaved, hard. It was obvious I had thrown up a little in my mouth and I swallowed rapidly to force it all back down. As soon as I had it back under some control I willingly opened my mouth and forced His cock back down my throat.

He yanked my head back hard and I flinched, expecting a slap or some harsh action.

Instead he planted a quick kiss on my forehead and murmured “Good girl, for going back down deep after that.” I think I was glowing bright enough to light the room. I wanted nothing more than to make Him happy and pleased with me.

Then He shoved my face back into His crotch until I gagged again.

True love, I’m tellin’ ya.

5 thoughts on “Spare the rod, Spoil the slave?

  1. “a slave should never know that her D/O/M needs her, loves her, cherishes her.”

    I call bullshit on that, too. If I didn’t know he needed, loved and cherished me, I would never feel safe enough to willingly submit to possibly being destroyed. It’s because I know those other things, and know he’ll put me back together, that I can submit.

    Balance is the word of the day. I think too much coddling does upset the power. I think too much callousness leads to…. disconnecting? I’m not sure what word I’m looking for.

    And this: “He yanked my head back hard and I flinched, expecting a slap or some harsh action. Instead he planted a quick kiss on my forehead and murmured β€œGood girl, for going back down deep after that.” I think I was glowing bright enough to light the room.”

    LOVE it. Love it when I get the same. Isn’t that *why* we go ‘back down deep’? πŸ˜‰

    • Yup. πŸ˜€

      I know you can spoil a slave. But I think so many people get caught up in the “Who’s the biggest asshole” game that they forget there is a real live human kneeling in front of ’em, y’know?

      Disconnect is a good word for what you were describing. *nods*

      Not fucking up a slave to beyond repair shouldn’t be the ultimate sign of one-upmanship, imho. You said it well when you mentioned that mucking around in a person’s psyche is like poking the bottom row on a house of cards.

      • The thing is when you check out the domly dudes it is rare to find they actually own anything… let alone another person in real life.

  2. This was a lovely post. Thank you for commenting on this whole situation. I see the same patterns. Thing is, I think people say all this “doms shouldn’t be caring” shit because it’s backlash against all the slave princesses in the same groups. Doesn’t make it any less wrong, though.

    In G’s home, it’s tough love around here. We’re strong believers in domestic discipline, and he finds a lot of little imperfections in my service. He knows I’m not perfect. But he wants to encourage me to be so, much as I can. So punishment happens here, and it’s not always pretty. But he never fails to tell me that he loves me, that I’m a good girl. He never forgets to hold me when he’s done hurting me and tell me that I am cherished by him.

    Anyway, this was a wonderful, insightful post.

  3. Thank you, ossy! I agree that it is a balance for most people. There is being too strict, and there is being too lenient (again, for most M/s dynamics). I guess watching the pendulum swing gets annoying from time to time. πŸ™‚

    N is very good to me, He soothes the hurts that He causes and makes it plain to me that I am owned, and no amount of love from Him will change that I am property.

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