Update

N and I have been going through something tht shook us pretty strongly. The damage was rather extensive and deep, and although it was nowhere near fatal to the relationship, we are still repairing and adjusting. I am taking time to allow myself to heal up from the various hurts inflicted on me emotionally, so I will not be around FL much. If anyone wants to find me, I am sure you will know where to do so. We are not dissolving the relationship, we still love each other, and if anything, we love each other *more*. I am not sure that I will ever publicly discuss the details.

What I am willing to say is that the event that precipitated this upheaval illustrated that I am devoted to Him, still able to love Him without reservation even though I have been deeply wounded by His actions, and that I can accept that He is not God-like and will make mistakes.

I have also learned that I have a limit. I don’t want it, and in fact without that limit, I’d eat myself alive inside trying to make what He wants a reality.

He has also mandated that there be no new creation of boxes. The event had me scrambling to create a few new boxes, to maintain my walls of distance, to avoid the true aftermath of being cut quick to the bone by the very person you cannot live without. He refuses to allow me new boxes. Walls have been ripped down, raw fear and trembling vulnerability have not been allowed to grow hindering scar tissue. It is a very scary and rough time right now.

But I know He loves me, adores me, wants me, and that is what I need to get by. Faith in us will be my manna.

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