Those of you who know me on FetLife have probably seen my posts on a thread title ” I see you baby”. The thread is a support and suggestion thread for s-type and O-types alike who are trying to lose or gain weight. For most of my adult life I’ve struggled with my weight, and I think I have finally hit the point where I dig in my heels and take this bitch by the horns. A large part of my new-found resolve is from a shift in motivation for losing the pounds.
To make a long story short: I ballooned in my early twenties from being lazy, eating wrong and being on some seriously heavy-duty medications. Compounded with no self-esteem, ample self-loathing and the inability to understand/accept the idea of people being sexually attracted to me, I hid behind my extra flesh and soothed myself with extra calories. I had plenty of people telling me to lose weight, but never thought I was worth the effort.
Somehow over the span of five years I had three children and lost sixty pounds. It came about by a mixture of conscious eating, moving my lard ass around more (chasing kids) and needing to be a good role model for my three boys. But the biggest and most profound change was that I had motivation. Real motivation. Motivation that I could get behind, that I could believe in. And it was that I was a reflection of my Owner.
Sad to think that my Owner, a wonderful Man who, for as much as He can be a real ass, deserved a beautiful, curvy slave and He instead had me. What kind of reflection was I of Him? My abundant padding was testament to my inability to maintain my own discipline. I was weak, I was wasteful, and I was disappointed in myself. I strive to be the best for my Owner, and my body should be no different.
So I set about changing my attitudes towards food. Make no bones about it, this is an ongoing project, probably one for the rest of my life. I ask myself when considering a bad choice if this particular choice means more to me than being N’s ideal slave. Does this brownie help me achieve my goal? Does that extra slice of pumpernickel mean more to me than pleasing N? Sometimes I do well, sometimes I fall just short of the mark…but at this point in my life, I have resigned myself to the fact that the days of being ten pounds less at the end of a month are long gone. As long as the positive events well outnumber the negative I think I am doing well.
I’m still working on it, but now I am have some extra help. The lovely 635 from FetLife has kindly helped me out on refining my diet, and gave me a few workout suggestions to live by (or die by, from one of them :P) And I have that extra boost of willpower, that handy incentive when I can feel my drive being chipped away…
I am not saying that all fat slaves are bad reflections on their Owners. Not at all. Let me repeat that in bold for those of you who I know are going to want to get all pissy with me: I am not saying that all fat slaves are bad reflections on their Owners. Some Owners like that. Some women like being that shape and mentality. My Owner is not one of them, and I am not the kind of woman who is happy when heavier. I believe that my Owner deserves what He wants, and what He wants is a woman who is curvy, toned and fit. I can be that, if I try. And I will damn well try, because He deserves whatever I can offer Him.
Also, if N wants a svelte slave, then He has every right to one. When I said He could have all of me, I meant it. If He wants less, than there will be less!