OTK makes me weird

I left off a lot after my last post about the munch Saturday night. Partly because I didn’t want that post to be too long, partly because I wanted to separate our time with the group from our time alone, and mostly because it led to a peculiar state that I needed a few days to hash it out before I tried writing about it.

After we left the munch He drove home and we jabbered like we always do. N and I in a car alone means lots of talking, and it’s one of my favorite times. Sometimes we’ll sing along to songs, sometimes I’ll play youtube videos so He can hear the dialogue. It’s rare that we don’t have good times in the car. At some point during the trip home I remarked that it was a shame it was so late, He was surely too tired for some hawt nasty sex, alas, I’d have to wait ’til tomorrow. Dear Gods above, won’t anyone save me from my own stupidity?! Get home, I do a few things on the computer while He gets the house ready for the night, and downstairs I head like a clueless lamb to the abbatoir.

I don’t remember all of the beginning, I just know that I ended up undressed to my undies bent over the bed and He smacked my ass. I howled. He shoved my head back down and smacked my ass again. I howled again (real original, aren’t I?) He sat down (fully clothed) and bent me over His knee and unleashed on my ass. I screamed, I begged, I snotted, I sobbed. He went round and round my poor ass, nailing the soft spots at the thigh/cheek juncture, snapping the sides of my ass, landing hard flat palm-blows on the spot right above my crack. I started to struggle, so He trapped my legs between His and kept on going. Oh how I begged and cried, how I screamed and cursed. Every time I tried to get back up He smacked me that much harder and ordered me back down. Eventually it all sank in and I stopped sobbing (still snotted though, dear Gods I was a mess) and accepted it all. I am slave. I am a toy. If  He wants to beat my ass, well, then, He’s going to beat my ass, whether I beg Him to stop or not. And Him spanking me until I can’t feel my ass anymore doesn’t make him a bad Owner. It was a life’s essence in one 15 minute capsule, one sentence stretching into an eternity: I am owned.It was peace, it was still, it was surrender.

I know at this point people will be going “Oh, how sweet, subspace! Wow, lucky you!” Yeah, except I don’t think that is what this was. I wasn’t high. I didn’t feel exuberant or like I was flying. I felt serene. I could still hear and speak and interact, in fact I did everything He asked of me, it is more like I had finally found my way into a room that had been locked for so long, and I turned on the light.

He finally let me up, so I just stood there, bent over the bed, my ass glowing bright enough to light the whole goddamned house. (That might be a wee bit exaggerated, but I’m claiming poetic license). He told me to get the camera from the desk upstairs, so I stumbled over to the stairs and laboriously made my way up them. Came back, handed Him the camera, and got shoved over the bed again. Pictures of my ass, lit up like the fourth of July, my red panties being used as contrast. There were no feelings of shame, no sucking in of the stomach or subtle posings for the best look. I was just there to obey. To be nothing more than what He wanted, nothing more than what He had made me to be.

This next part might be a little sappy: I have discovered how I know that N really loves me: When He raped my ass that night after the ass beating, He used lube. That’s true love! The ass-fucking hurt anyways, lube or not.

Who knew love came in a handy pump dispenser?

Normally He’s a bit kind and let’s me warm up to His cock pillaging my ass. That wasn’t an option Saturday night. There was lube, and then there was cock in my ass. I grunted and gasped and panted as He took His sweet time, slapping and pinching my poor abused cheeks. I was still happily in my magic room, enjoying the primal state of just being. At last He’d tormented me enough and spent His load, aftwer that He slapped my sore bottom (as a reward?! I dunno!) and told me I could go clean up. The luxuries around here, I tell ya!

As I fell asleep as a pile of slavegoo, I realized that there is nothing more objectifying for me than to have my mouth and ass used as cum repositories, but my twat totally ignored. To have my direct pleasure placed so obviously beneath His. It only added to the goo-ness of my being. 😀

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