He’s not emotionally distant… (09-21-2010)

…He’s just not a fucking crybaby.

Since my very good friend’s return from her 7 year vacation in Georgia, she and I have become very close with each other. She’s one of those few people who don’t try to save me from myself when it comes to my life as an owned slave, and I luffs her for that. So we were discussing the recent passing of my Owner’s grand-uncle, how N is sad to hear he died but not torn up and carrying on, and to my complete and utter shock she says: “He not very emotional, is he.” I know there should be a question mark at the end, but she didn’t really make it question, it lacked the inquisitive tone at the end of the sentence to indicate a query.

I shrugged and brushed it off. I found it an odd thing to say but was more interested in cramming my tits into my suddenly one-size-too-small sports bra than pontificating over my Owner’s preference in processing emotions.

Now I have the time.

N. Well, what can we say about N. He’s very reliable, confident, logical, and has this ability to blend into a room no matter where He goes. Affable. Loyal to a point. Very cool, calm, collected – the 3C I call ’em. Patient. Optimistic, ambitious, pragmatic and insanely hawt. um I might be biased there. Sry.

He feels things. He has emotions. He has mushy gushy thoughts (although they are few and far between). He has been hurt, He has been enraged, He has been driven to tears by happiness. He has been in fear of my life.

What He has not experienced is losing His cool over emotions. He does not let them rule. He might not even noticed half of them because it really doesn’t change shit in His estimation. Navel gazing is not His strong suit. I have only see Him cry five times in the 10 (almost 11) years we’ve been together. Once over something that enraged and hurt Him but He had no contol over, once for each birth of our kids, and when His grandfather died. He doesn’t often express things like “I love you” verbally. He doesn’t enjoy excessive PDA. He rarely expresses intense feelings, rarely reacts to them.

What He does do is show people these things in action. He will go out of His way to help you if you are someone He cares for. He’ll be sure to show you that He thinks your an idiot. He loves me through actions, expresses trust by inspiring it.

This is foreign to my friend. She is married to a man that cries at the drop of a hat, has heart-to-hearts with her a few times a week, is sensitive and prone to getting his feelings hurt.

I couldn’t imagine trying to live with a man like that. I’d go nuts. I’m emotional enough for the two of us as it is. I just thought it was so funny that she’d consider my Owner to be almost deficient (in her estimation) when it came to emotions, and I would consider her man to be a bit over-abundant in his.

I also think it goes to show that still rivers run deep. Just because N isn’t showing anything doesn’t mean He isn’t feeling it. To think otherwise is presumptuous.

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